Take a random group of Southerners, ask us to run home and get photos of our houses, and I’ll guarantee you that 90% of us will come back with snow pictures. Someone unfamiliar with the American climate might reasonably suppose from the photos that North Carolina’s annual snowfall is comparable to that of Buffalo. Or Moscow.
Greensboro woke up to a half-inch of snow this morning. We have a lot of people here who have moved from up north, and so this seems as good a time as any to explain the Southern Snow Protocol.
1. The first thing you do when you see snow on the ground in the morning is check the TV to see if you have to go to work or school. Ignore this advice at your own peril. Even if you aren’t certain whether it’s a light snow or just a heavy frost, if you don’t check then you’re liable to be the only one in your office for at least two hours, while everyone else is home drinking hot chocolate. (You think I exaggerate. Guilford County Schools were delayed 2 hours this morning. Look at the street in front of my house.)
2. Next, go out and measure the snow. Forget the weather service guidelines about accurate measurements. Southern snowfalls are measured at the deepest snowdrift. If the number is not sufficiently impressive, feel free to kick more snow with your foot.
3. Make phone calls. First you call your friends in town to ask if it snowed at their house, and if so, how much. It is important that you ask first, because if your friend is a native Southerner, he will have also observed Protocol #2, and you must be prepared to round your totals upward after you hear his number. If your friend is a transplant from up north, he may be less than pleased that you are calling him at 5am to ask about the snow. Avoid calling your Yankee friends until later in the day.
4. Call out-of-town friends, especially those who live in areas that you are pretty sure did not get any snow. Quote them your snowfall totals. Gloat.
5. If your place of employment is not closed or delayed, call your boss at home to explain that the roads in your neighborhood are bad and that you are unable to get out of your driveway. You will have to leave a message, because your boss is outside sledding.
11 Comments
November 22, 2008 at 3:44 am
THis is totally funny. We lived in CT the last 3 years ( I am from AZ) and I gloated about the snow for awhile. Now, I can’t say I miss shoveling it!
November 22, 2008 at 4:20 am
Yep, you have the southern snow day protocol down perfectly.
November 22, 2008 at 4:41 am
Hell, that ain’t snow. Though it’s more than we have right now (which is none).
Jim in Buffalo
November 22, 2008 at 11:12 am
You nailed it with that description. I am surprised I didn’t see any snow plows or salt trucks though. Considering this is the first bit of snow around our house in 4 years, the trucks may have been sold by now.
November 22, 2008 at 11:21 am
Ha! So true!!!
November 22, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Thanks for this morning laughter. What a crack up. I must adhere to these rules even though we aren’t quite considered a Southern State. I do live in SW IN. Northern people think I sound southern. Also around here I am the Snow Captain. So I will just have to adhere to the rules. tee hee.
November 22, 2008 at 9:01 pm
I am sure in your frost bitten delirium you forgot these important points:
Get in your car and drive like you have no sense at all, ignoring or forgetting all those safe snow driving rules you learned in drivers ed. Get to your nearest grocery store and stock up on all the essentials you will need for a week of housebound drinking and eating. Make your way carelessly to the Lowe’s or Home Depot to purchase potential emergency supplies, but more importantly, to be seen on local TV being asked questions about the weather crisis.
November 23, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Your guidelines could also apply to cold weather and Wisconsinites. Even 20 years removed from the motherland, I often regale/bore people with tales of 60-below-zero temps in January, and how we’d still sit and fish in ice shanties on the lake. A good Dairy Stater replies with similar stories, but the temp is 70 or 80 below—and that’s not even counting the wind chill.
November 25, 2008 at 9:32 pm
Thanks g,b,&u! I imagine it gets old really quick in CT!
Hi Deb, thanks for visiting my blog!
Oh, I know, Jim…just a wimpy snow by Buffalo standards–that was a shout-out to you in the post, btw! (I forgot to link to you.)
Chad–don’t forget the breathless TV reporters standing on the overpasses!
You know it, Leigh!
So should I list you under Southern Gardeners, Lisa?
You do all that after you call the boss, Les!
So, Iris, you’re not really impressed that my thermometer said 17 the other day, are you?
December 5, 2008 at 6:05 am
Heehee! As a native of northern Wisconsin, I laugh and laugh at these things that southerners call “cold” and “snow!”
(But I totally love how the whole city shuts down when it snows! Snow day!)
July 15, 2009 at 12:19 am
I just ran across your post. It seems like just yesterday when this snow came and went as fast as our summer showers do. I recall waking and thinking to myself that this is the first time I could think of us having a snow in this area when there was still fall color on the trees. Being a photographer, I too snapped shots and blogged about it. You can view the post by visiting http://www.gatecityphotography.com/blog and scrolling down quite a few posts.
Frank