Didn’t See This Coming

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Back in June, when our niece was born, I observed that while she was very cute, I personally had no interest in obtaining firsthand knowledge of childbirth, diaper changing, or the many other aspects of being a parent. Even as I clicked “Publish,” I had a vague sense that I was painting a really big target on my back…

Three weeks after I penned those words, I was out pulling weeds in my flowerbed when Teresa emerged from the house, holding what appeared to be a thermometer.

“David, come here a minute,” she said.

I assumed that she had a fever. My first thought was that perhaps she had contracted the swine flu. Being the caring husband that I am, my second thought was, I sure hope she didn’t give it to me.

“You’d better sit down,” she said, handing me the thermometer.

How high was this fever? I wondered.

The thermometer was not like any I had ever seen. Where there should have been numbers, there was a word. I tapped the thermometer against my palm but could not get the reading anywhere close to 98.6. It kept showing this:

To say that we were shocked would be an understatement. A baby wasn’t on either of our lists of future plans, so we’ve spent the last few months getting used to the idea of being parents. (And to think that I recently turned down a cat from my friend Sandra because our one feline, Casey, is such a big responsibility!)

Fortunately, we have a backyard that, by the time our child is about five, will look somewhat like my grandfather’s where I played as a child, with dense thickets of shrubbery that magically transform into jungles or mountain ranges or the Forbidden Forest of Hogwarts. Down the street is a patch of woods with a creek running through it, just begging to be explored. Beside the woods is a large field that has plenty of room for a left-handed pull hitter (male or female), and if we have a boy, to learn to run post routes, slants, and flanker screens. (Those are baseball and football terms, in case you’re not a fan.)

Teresa says that in 2020, when people ask how many kids she has, she’s going to reply, “Two. One’s 10 and the other is 51.”

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Filed under Baby, Family